If you do not want to look at your needs, you will not know the recipe, you will not know how to cook the soup, and it will take a lot more energy, pain and struggle to eventually try to make up the recipe in a dark room. You see? The needs are important for the eventual outcome of integration.
So your needs in and of themselves again are neutral ideas. They have no value except what you ascribe to them. You cannot judge those carrots on the counter as being wrong. How can you judge the carrots being wrong? It is your needs that are those carrots. They are ideas that will eventually be put into the pot, which will eventually become a very valuable thing. Nothing exists without a purpose, and your needs, as dysfunctional as they may be, are still eventually part of that soup and therefore very valid and very important that you read those lines in the recipe and chop up those vegetables and make them a part of the creation you are attempting to bring forth.
And the trick is to not expect to get the carrots from your mate.
Exactly. You have to be the one to go out and get the carrots.
Go to your own garden. In the way that relationships are set up now where it's based on needs, if my mate does not provide the needs that I expected my mate to provide, I become angry, and obviously I think I'm angry at him but I'm angry because I'm not getting my needs met through my own efforts. Then in fourth-density relationships do you not have anger, or you don't have that particular expression of anger?
We don't have the expression of anger in the sense that we attach it to another person. We do not have that particular expression. There are times when we recognize, however, that perhaps we have not been true to ourselves. Now again, we're talking in ways that are different than you, where we will recognize that we have embraced a reality that we don't prefer, and the anger that is felt from that is not externalized.
You're not attacking someone.
Sasha, in the book "Messages from Michael" in the first few pages Michael was discussing the fact that one of his purposes for channeling information was to get us off of this attention on relationships and help redirect our attention on self-improvement (that's a paraphrase). It seems to me that part and parcel of third-density relationships has been that the relationship would take precedent over all else and that one of the things that we're going through is the realization that personal growth must take precedence. As long as the relationship takes precedence, personal growth will always have to suffer. Do you want to comment on that?
Well, the way we will comment on it is that in one way there is no must in the sense that you are very welcome to choose relationships over personal growth, but don't expect the fourth-density package deal with that choice. If you want to choose a relationship to be more important than your personal growth, then recognize it's a choice of separation and that with that choice comes the package of third density. If you choose personal growth over relationships, you are choosing to integrate yourself, you are making a fourth-density choice and then you can accept the fourth-density package to go along with it.
So neither one is wrong nor right. We are simply saying in terms of your choice, recognize what you get with that choice.
But if you choose personal growth, then you can use your relationship to enhance that?
If you choose personal growth, everything in your life (including your relationships) will enhance that.
Recently my relationship changed with my mate and I went on vacation. The last thing on my mind was a new relationship. But it came into my life suddenly.
You have given yourself an opportunity now to make a conscious choice. Do you want to pursue this relationship from a third-density perspective, getting the package deal there, or do you want to pursue it from the fourth-density relationship and getting the package deal with that? So yes a whole new world has opened up for you which can do nothing but enrich you in the long run.
I have one question. Back in this needs issue, I'm pursuing or engaged in a relationship by intention at the fourth density, and I find that there's a tendency to go back and forth. The intention is to maintain the fourth density, and if I don't stay conscious of that intention really clearly, then there's a tendency to think I need to fall into third density and fulfill needs for the other person. And even if I'm able to say, "No, I refuse to do that," then I start sometimes feeling guilty that if I'm involving the other person totally at a fourth-density level, then there's no room for them to get their needs met by somebody else if that's their choice.
Ahhh, but there is. We are sorry, but would you narrow the question and ask it again.
Well, I guess, the bottomline question with that as a set up is I don't understand why I even feel concerned that I'm depriving them of getting their physical or physiological needs met by another person, if that's the case, from my third-density perspective.
You cannot deprive another person. If they feel deprived, it's their choice.
I appreciate that, but why does it seem to be my choice to feel like I'm doing that? That's my question.
Because you are making the transition from third to fourth, and you're recognizing the specific areas that you would like to clear. There is a part of you which still needs to feel validated by providing for another. And like we say with the soup, that need is okay. It needs to be seen and put in the pot in order to transform into the soup. So your seeing that in yourself is very important.
I follow, and I feel it's a very good answer, and I can tune into it. But that still doesn't mean that I would then meet those needs? Just recognizing them rather than meeting them.
We're not understanding the exact question.
Well, I think you are because you answered it perfectly! You said that when I recognized the need that I would then put them in the pot. But does that mean that I would then be physically satisfying those needs, or just recognizing that her needs exist?
That doesn't matter. You are not responsible for whether her needs are met or not. All you are responsible for is what in your integrity you would like to give to a relationship. That is all you are responsible for.
What Sasha is not saying is that you cannot satisfy those needs of another person.
But you can play out that game, pulling yourself back into third density, which is exactly what I do not want to do. But sometimes I seem to feel that I could just get out of the way and she could get her needs satisfied whatever way she wanted but that's depriving the potential of the fourth-density relationship.
Literally 75% of anger in relationships stems from one partner or the other believing or being angry that the other person is not fulfilling needs. Seventy-five percent. Now, imagine what a relationship would be like if you did not need to be fulfilled by another. For one thing, the level of anger would be very, very low hidden anger, hostility, nearly nonexistent.
You cannot know what the other person's needs are. They will not verbalize them; sometimes they don't even know themselves on the conscious level. If you try to get caught in the game of satisfying those needs, you will get caught because it is a game, and because the person is seeking to have needs met outside of themselves, they will never be satisfied, and then they will be angry.
So all I can do is present myself at my fourth-density awareness, and let it be whatever it ends up being. And just be pure in my own intention.
One of the things that we ran into was that I finally started examining what I felt my needs were, and my two basic needs were safety and protection. My husband tried to provide that safety and protection for me, but he would have no idea how I want that provided. In other words, my idea of safety was for him to put his arm around me every time we walked into a room, but he didn't know that that was what I wanted.
Exactly. You can never second-guess another person, whether you're trying to protect them from their emotions or you're trying to communicate to them, you cannot know, so the only thing that you can do is be 100% who you are. Period.
So this now leaves us with one more need: the need for somebody to be with us that maintains the fourth-density intention also. Obviously that is a trap.
If you have that need, you're not in fourth density. You are still playing the third-density game.
Is one of the reasons that new relationships are so delightful is because we haven't started manipulating the other person?
Yes, there has not been time yet for the new person to fulfill or not fulfill your needs. That's why that sense of ecstasy is there. However, as soon as they either start fulfilling you or not fulfilling you, the anger, whether covert or overt, starts setting in, and that's when the manipulation and the control begins.
That is so correct, because I was just thinking about the new relationship I was in, and it started out, I remember saying, "I don't expect anything from it," and then I realized about two months into it that I couldn't say that anymore, I expected a few things!
If the excitement and the romance does not peter out by its own nature then it's simply sabotaged to death. Am I on track?
Yes. Now the Pleiadian relationships framework can be likened to the beginning of your relationships when your expectations were very low and you are truly in the level of enjoyment, ecstasy, play, caring and sharing. That taken 100-fold deeper is what our relationships are like all the time.
So when you have no expectations about the other person fulfilling your needs, what a load off your mind that is, what a load off your energy. You can enjoy yourself, you can truly experience unconditional love. The conditional love that is felt in third density is the love you will give if your needs are met, and if your needs are not met you don't give that love.
Can you begin to experience that love while still having the needs and recognizing them also?
So we don't have to wait for our needs to be gone for us to experience this love?
Correct. Again, it's not a light switch going on and off. It's a gradual movement from third- to fourth-density thinking.
I know a lot of people right now would chuck the whole fourth-density idea if they thought they had to manually clear all their needs before they got there.
By recognizing when you are conditionally loving someone, you then know there's an issue, so then you can actually go through it by turning that around to unconditionally loving them in spite of the issue. It will just automatically start unfolding.
Yes. What wonderful things await all of you! We know that your relationships are painful, and we've heard comments that humans have made such as, "If you can't feel the pain, you can't feel the ecstasy." In third density, that makes a lot of sense. In fourth density, that idea cannot exist. You all have a tremendous amount of love and joy locked within you that will begin to blossom when you stop expecting another person to validate you, when you stop expecting another person to make you feel whole. Once that idea is relinquished, you will soar.
That love that you will contain will be beyond what you can now conceive. You are moving in that direction, and those of you who choose to embrace the fourth-density idea whether diving right in or taking it baby steps going to start seeing changes, and you're going to start feeling changes inside of yourself. The pain will start to subside. The joy will start to grow, and we truly are excited to watch this happen because you will start to begin to see your divine connection. You will start to begin to know truly the beams of love that you really are.
We would like to honor you and acknowledge you for taking a path that, yes, is difficult. But we would also like to remind you that if you were incapable of taking the path you never would have chosen it. And so, we would like to close this evening with that acknowledgement and recognition of all that you've chosen, for like the analogy of the soup and the carrot, the things that you see now that you don't like in yourself, that you judge, that you're angry at, are so valuable because they make up the soup. If you judge them, they will stay there on the counter, and they will always be an issue. But if you allow them to exist and you take them with you in your growth, they will transform.
Much, much, much love to each and every one of you. It has been an absolute joy to have been a part of your gathering this evening, and it is our sensing that we will speak again on this matter shortly. Much love and goodnight.
Copyright © 1993, 1995 by Royal Priest Research, All Rights Reserved. This transcript is adapted from Tape #112 in the catalog.